Why San Francisco Should Stay in San Francisco…

Never mind that this afternoon, I got yelled at for being "intolerant to pedestrians" (I was driving to pick up organic food coloring. At a co-op market. Any more PC and lampposts will start scolding me for being "carbon-centric"). Now I come home and read this piece in the LA Times about Speaker Pelosi’s attempts to "Green the Capitol." Speaker Pelosi of course represents the loon-ball peninsula where I make my residence.

The cafeteria, which primarily caters to House employees but is also
open to the general public, ditched its old food contractor and
reopened after the holiday recess with a new menu that punches every
available slot on the eco-friendly ticket favored by food trendies:
"organic" (as in fertilizers and pesticide-free), "sustainable" (as in
farming techniques), "rBGH-free" (as in milk), "cage-free" (as in
chickens), "fair-traded" (as in grown by co-ops in the Third World),
"local" (as in grown within a 150-mile radius in the First World) and,
where possible, combinations of two or more of the above. Oh, and no
trans fats — this cafeteria food is good for you too.

It was a relief, then, to trudge up the Hill to the
Dirksen building, where, give or take a few updates (sushi, for
example), it was cafeteria business as usual: mac and cheese, double
burgers (undoubtedly from inhumanely raised cows), unfairly traded
Starbucks coffee, Cheetos-dispensing vending machines and those
shredded carrots amid the lettuce at the salad bar that demarcate the
socioeconomic line between the food proles and the foodies. Not to
mention real stainless-steel flatware and real china plates. Perhaps
that’s because Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) is not into
"greening," or perhaps it’s because certain Senate dishes — such as
the famous navy bean soup, on the menu since 1903 — are simply iconic.
Dated though the Senate fare might be, the lunch-hour traffic was as
dense in Dirksen as it was in Longworth.

Now I’m all about my lifestyle and workplace not leaving the planet a sty for the next generation. But I also find I’m most willing to do good when it’s fun to do good. And since I find being serious for people who lack the imagination to be silly, I believe anything can be made fun.

Enter the environmental movement which for two generations has putting its most sour, fundamentalist foot forward. The planet is doomed, its your fault, so start doing penance with crappy-tasting food, ugly clothes and yert-living now. Enter Al Gore, The Breakthrough Institute and green capitalism which say "Listen, things are a mess and we’re all stuck on this rock together. So we might as well sing during cleanup."

What’s this have to do with Speaker Pelosi and her too-precious-by-half cafeteria? It’s a living-embodiment of the worst parts of her hometown and mine: That to be conscious means to be a humorless scold. Which is antiquated, ineffective and a bummer. And makes me want to take a tour of the Capitol cafeteria with Speaker Pelosi and pass out organically raised, free-range whoopie cushions.

• Category: City by the Bay