Meeting Your Idol:

Smokler on September 24, 2002

I took the train over to Berkeley last night to see Sarah Vowell read at Cody’s Books. I had misjuded the starting time because there were only 6 people there when I arrived. Fifteen minutes later, there about 120. Apparently I’m not the only earnest NPR geek out there who worships her.

Sarah has said she’s a loner on both This American Life and in her books. The first question during the Q&A was “Are you liking your book tour,” to which she paused and said “Some of it, I guess.” She was polite, answered everyone’s questions (even the really stupid “Do you actually have a twin sister?) but seemed itching to go back to her hotel. “I’m a writer,” she said “Alone in my apartment. That’s my preferred mode of being.”

I waited in line to say hi and introduced myself as the guy from the Grotto. Last year, I started a program of bringing writers on their book tour by the Grotto for breakfast, on the presumption that they might like to begin a hectic day with peers before a day worth of hustling. I guessed right. I had spoken to Sarah’s publicist the week before about brining her by and Sarah liked the idea. But Friday I heard that Sarah was booked for the entire three days she was here.

Sad.

She apologized for not being able to make it this time in San Francisco and we both said we’d try again the next time she was in town. It was exactly the “let’s be best friends!” moment I was hoping for. But I guess I’m feeling like my professional life is on enough of an upswing that Sarah Vowell and I will cross paths again. Maybe at this point I’m beginning to see her as more of a peer and her career something to shoot for than an idol. Maybe last night, I saw her as human.

Speechifying:

Smokler on September 22, 2002

So yesterday I gave a speech at the Peninsula chapter of the California Writers Club on “Non Traditional Ways to Promote your Book.” Sadly, writers without big fat publishing contracts in the bay area still think the best way to get attention for your book is to mail it unsolicited to the San Francisco Chronicle’s book section and pray they’ll review it. They won’t.

The talk went well, with the 25-odd members busily taking notes, asking questions, and passing me business cards at the end. I felt a bit like “the expert” they wheel out on Oprah to explain some social ill. Not that books going unnoticed is the rot of the nation or anything but jeez, the number of times I’ve heard a beginning writer say “well, this conference/agent/editor said they would read my manuscript for only $200. And they have great contacts!” and fall for this sort of malarky. Someone even asked it at this talk. Sad truth is there are lots of unsavory characters out there praying on people’s dreams of getting their work recognized in some sort of official way. If I can spread a little education around about a real, organic, non-slutty way to promote yourself, then I will.

And lord, was it fun! Suzan was there and laughed her head off at what a Leo I am and how much I like talking to a crowd. Can’t lie. I was totally jacked for rest of the day.

Members from a few other branches were on hand too and said they’d like to have me speak there. Soon, please. Soon.

Fray Day 6 Wrap Up:

Smokler on September 17, 2002

So Fray Day 6 was tremendous, over 5 hours of funny, powerful storytelling. My story (about Andrew WK being my brother’s best friend in the eighth grade) went pretty well although I can never really tell about these things because I rarely prep and usually just get up and talk. But I got several compliments afterward so I’m taking their word for it.

Amongst the other stories, Jack Boulware tore the roof off the joint with a story about driving a scammed Porsche for three days. Laura Fraser held a hushed audience in her hands when telling about a guy she dated who died on September 11th at the World Trade Center. And Justin Chin didn’t talk about anything in particular but was riotous.

Mostly, it was just great to see hundreds of people I knew enjoying themselves. Fray Day is really a very special thing.

Yom Kippur: The After

Smokler on September 16, 2002

Fasting is over. Had a lovely breaking of fast (which is indeed where the word “breakfast” comes from) with Derek and Heather. Now and serene, relaxed and very, very happy, the fortunate result of a day spent soul searching.

The lesson of this Yom Kippur: Each year, I write a letter to someone I feel I need to make amends to. This year, for the first time, I wrote this letter to myself. I feel I’m pretty nasty to me a lot of time, quietly yelling at myself for being a less than productive writer, a half-assed friend/son/brother, and an out-to-lunch boyfriend. I rarely cut myself a break and spent most of my waking hours juiced on some unholy concoction of work adrenalin, fear and self-loathing. This is not the recipe for a balanced, happy life.

What, brothers and sisters, is the point of exercising, eating well, not smoking or drinking in hopes of living a long time if you can’t appreciate it, if you spend most of those overtime years berating yourself for not spending them better?

So I’m going to try to do it a little differently. I’m going to try and remember each day to thank God that I have a pretty good life, dang nab it. And that I earned it from hard work, good karma and being a decent human being, not through trickery, deceit or blind luck. I’m entitled to a little happiness with out my daily routine of convincing myself otherwise. So that’s the new motto. Relish in the joy. Because there’s lots of it around, if I let myself off the hook long enough to accept.

Atonement:

Smokler on September 16, 2002

Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. Yom Kippur occurs exactly ten days after Rosh Hashannah, the beginning of the Jewish new year. During that ten day period, as the legend goes, the book of life is open. All of us have the the opportunity to make right with our high powers, to apologize for those we feel need apologizing to, to clense ourselves, and promise to lead with the better angels of our nature. Yom Kippur is the last day in this period. We fast as a reminder of the solemnity of the day. At sundown, the book of life is closed.

Each Yom Kippur since 1995, I have spent the day by myself, thinking, writing, reading, praying. Each year, I write one person a letter to whom I feel I owe forgiveness. Mostly, I just try and “Get Good with God” and put myself in a serene spiritual place. But something tells me this year will be different. I’ll let you know at sundown.

Yay Fray!

Smokler on September 14, 2002

Fray Day 6 is today, an annual live storytelling event run by my friend Derek, the creator of Fray.com. I’ll be emceeing from 8-9 and introducing author Laura Fraser and poet Justin Chin, who are featured performers. This year, the event will be at the much bigger, Victoria Theatre but will still be packing in some of the smartest minds on the web, as well as folks from the local literary community and casual passers by. If you’re a San Franciscan, please stop by if you can.

Last night, my friends Ben and Mena celebrated their birthdays, just six days apart. Have several wondering, meaningless yet utterly thrilling conversations with Kay (about Cognitive Psychology. She’s a professor), Jason Kottke (about the Journey video game) and the whole room (about weird parental behavior and accents). I dig evenings like this, despite that when I feel most comfortable around people, I tend to get quite voluble, laughing probably too loud and buzzing about the room like a drunk moth. When I was growing up, this meant I was super nervous and was over-compensating. Now it means I’m in my element how odd.

So apologies to anyone I may have hit with an ill-timed remark. It just means I was enjoying your company.

Sept. 11, 2002: The Morning After

Smokler on September 12, 2002

I spent much of yesterday talking over the last year with Suzan. She was camping with her sister on September 11 of last year and didn’t find out what had happened until a few days later. We both realized how much farther our relationship had come since then, how much better we understand each other and how much easier it is to share our fears.

That night I spoke to my friend Laura who came home from work early last September 11th. We spent the day together, watching news, talking but mostly just being there for each other through a lot of long silences. We ended the conversation yesterday with this.

“It was honor to spend that terrible day with you.”

“For me too.”

When I went to bed, I prayed that one clear day in the future, we can take this horrible experience and use it to reach beyond ourselves, to become better people rather than swearing new ways to enact revenge.

I hope.